Let's Just Be Nice

Yesterday I had a very disappointing experience with a fellow human that left a sour taste in my mouth all night. You see, I had reconnected with a woman I knew years ago, back when I was still single and working, through Facebook. Oh Facebook. If it wasn't for this blogs page on there, I would delete my account altogether. Anyway, I sent off a cheery "so good to hear from you again, what have you been up to?" message to her, excited to catch up. 

Her response stopped me dead in my tracks. SHE was a high level CEO in an accounting firm, SHE was married with one child (in private school, of course), SHE just got back from a trip to Paris and, best of all, SHE had the audacity to tell me she had always assumed I would make more out of my life that to "just" be a housewife and stay at home mom. 

I deleted her with the speed of light and never looked back. 

Ladies, why all the worry about what other women do? Why does it matter if I stay at home, or if you work or if you are single and do it all? Newsflash: It's ALL hard. I'm fortunate that I can stay home. That said, if anyone thinks it's easy I welcome you to spend a day in my shoes. You see, it's more than JUST staying home; there are kids to take care of, finances to wrangle, meals to fix, loads and loads of laundry to do- and that's just how my list for the day starts out. Staying at home comes with a lot of boundaries and limitations. I stay at home because 1) I think it's my place to be in our home, making a safe, comfortable and loving environment for my family and 2) because with 4 kids, a job would be worthless. Childcare alone would eat up anything I would manage to bring home. There are other reasons why I stay home, but they really don't matter. They are MY reasons, not yours. The reasons you have for working, or not, are just as important and matter just as much. 

I work hard to make one paycheck take care of all 6 of us. I bring our bills down to as low as possible, I control "fun" spending and manage the grocery budget with an iron fist. If you think this sounds like fun, you are wrong. I get discouraged sometimes. I want to be able to just jaunt off on a whim and spend 4 or 5 days not worrying about stretching our dollars to make sure we get through the month with money to spare. 

I don't "just" stay home and raise a family, I do this job because I love it. It's challenging, rewarding and the paychecks are easy to cash. You work your job, or go to school, or whatever it is you have decided is best for you because it's what you want to do or NEED to do. And that makes it important. 

Ladies, please don't judge each other so harshly. I'm no better than anyone else because I stay at home AND you are no better than me because you spend you day away from home. We're all just doing the best we can with what we have available right now. Maybe if we would stop the stay at home VS working mom war, we would find ourselves in a better place. You gotta do what's right, right now, for you and your family. 

Please, for the love of all that is good and holy, keep your negative thoughts and feelings to yourself if you must have them. You gain nothing by making another woman feel inferior or beneath you. You are only hurting yourself and putting a wedge between you and friendship. 

Stop the hate and start supporting each other. No job is easy- stop making it harder than it has to be to do what you love, or what you MUST.